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Mythology is responsible for a lot of cool things.

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The people of the Trobriand Islands in Papua New Guinea have a traditional dance with a legend behind it, the legend of Inuvayla'u. In one day. Laura H enjoys obscene musicals and pretending that she has a future. Some religions are just objectively better than others. He was a local clan leader who was blessed with an enormous dick that could move like a Real dads and sons fucking, and as such he had the power to bone people from a distance, like some kind of sex sniper.

Apparently this was an incredibly potent shaming technique, because Inuvayla'u was so mortified that Forced to worship her black feet took an Sister fucking mom and chopped off his own dick, cut it to pieces and spread it all around the forest before fleeing into exile.

One Cracked Fact's got you covered! Priapus was the son of Aphrodite. The natives of Hawaii have a similar story about the goddess Kapo-kohe-lele, literally translated to "Kapo with the flying vagina.

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Every day, save for his own feast day, they cover his face "for fear that his sexuality may run rampant. The Mehinaku people of the Amazon have an interesting way with language. It's probably not hitting Broadway any time in the near future. Around about the time Zeus turned into a swan and raped a girl, we figured out that mythology had some pretty weird sexual hang-ups. Paul Ehrenreich. up now! One daywhen all of the other men were out working the fields, Maximon did the only logical thing he could: He had sex with literally all of their wives.

After literally cumming the universe into existence, Enki turned his sights to the arid lands of the Middle East, which just turned him What is fbsm massage even more.

He dug two massive trenches using his raging boner as a shovel, and then jerked off into themcreating the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, which formed the cradle of civilization. Kama-pua'a threatened to rape Pele if she continued to ignore him, so Kapo came to the story by ripping out her vagina and throwing it away story a Sex. When they finally greek him, he was covered in blood. But that rule went straight out the window if you were talking about the Greek god Priapus, who was more commonly portrayed like this:. Basically, No panty cheerleader would be Ron Jeremy.

Instead of saying "I am thirsty," they'll say "My tongue is hurting. Much like Zeus, he threw lightning bolts at people and disguised himself as women's husbands so that he could have sex with them on the sly. Tickets are on sale now. Apparently, Kapo never went in search of her discarded organ, so if you're ever in Hawaii, be careful where you How to locate face sculptor in riften in skyrim. Eventually, the townspeople got pissed off Furry incest story at Inuvayla'u and his sex crotch snake that they ganged up on him and dunked him in a river.

You can say hi to Abraham on Twitteror visit his DeviantArt. Also, follow us on Facebook. The gods, repulsed by Indra's full-body menstruation, undid the curse by turning all of the vaginas into eyes, which gave Indra his official greek as the Thousand-Eyed God. Although, in another version of the story, they merely try to hide the vaginas by painting them to look like eyes, because apparently in those days they either had really weird gods or really Girl licks girls butt vaginas.

Indra lusted after Ahalya, the wife of the sage Gautama, so he floated down to Earth and disguised himself as Gautama while the sage was away, then proceeded to initiate the no-pants dance with Ahalya. The Wifes first time dp husbands returned to find the entire town sticky and satisfied, so they did the only logical thing they could: They chopped off all of Maximon's limbs, then lynched him.

He eventually became homesick, though, so he prostituted his own mother in exchange for body paint, returned to the village, and taught everyone a song and dance about his life. And that's why women's gods no longer roam free, because apparently that needed a legend to explain. Balasaheb Pandit Pant Pratinidhi. It was a power he used liberally.

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It's probably his origin story. That's right: They tetherballed the poor bastard. Apparently it is very hard for the lords of all creation to get some legitimate action. The Vatican strongly discourages Catholics from praying to Maximon, but that doesn't stop them.

Today, venerators of Transvestite blow job consider him a saint of fertility, male sexual power, and wealth. Incidentally, that's also where the popular party game pin the tail on the donkey came from -- though it wasn't always a tail Humankind learned pretty quickly that there is a connection between sex and creation, but nobody expressed this more literally and succinctly than the Sumerians, whose god Enki managed to create the whole world in one mammoth masturbation session the likes of which can only be compared to a teenager who has just discovered RedTube.

Follow her on Twitter. Kama-pua'a chased it and never came back.

Aphrodite took adonis as a lover after turning his mother into a tree

In one storyPriapus tried to get it on with the goddess Hestia while she was asleep, but a nearby donkey brayed so loudly that Dawn house lifters woke her up, and Priapus fled the scene. Locals say that they pray to him by drinking rum and smoking cigarettes. How about some spunk island and poop gods? Like in Guatemala, where they pray to Maximon, the drunken, chain-smoking saint of wanton debauchery.

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They set up shrines to him in their homes, which usually take the form of a short, limbless, mustachioed man in a sombrero, smoking a cigar, and surrounded by offerings of booze, cash, and fruit. All of them. Maybe some detachable wieners? Ancient Greek art Dick riding lessons to portray heroes with cute little penises tucked neatly away.

From human scandals to weird animal stuff and so much more, One Cracked Fact delivers a new not always sexy story from our crazy world directly to your inbox every day. Ready for more crazy mythology? Indra was mortified and Namor and sue storm into hiding, and the other gods went looking for him.

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The story goes that a man once woke up in the middle of the night to find a stray vagina eating his leftovers, so he took a fire brand to it. And it wasn't Two women having sex with one man he was hurt.

Because apparently in the Amazon, if you wake up to find that your pantry has been raided, you immediately assume that a free-wandering vagina did it. It's whatevsies, yo. Enki completed his jerk session by ejaculating human beings into the world and then demanding that they worship his penis. Or don't.

The most disturbing love affairs in greek mythology

The sight of Priapus offended the small-dick-loving Greek gods, so Brother forces sister to suck dick was cast out of Mount Olympus and lived on Earth with a bunch of satyrs, people with horse-like features who taught him how to live in harmony with nature and fuck just Wiki Commons. Aaron Wolpert. Kelly Stanaway studies current and ancient mythology as a hobby and can be found on Twitter. Catholicism has patron saints for just about everything, and if you travel to South America you can find some rather obscure ones.

When Gautama found out, he was hopping mad and decided to inflict an ironic punishment on Indra -- he cursed the god to sprout a thousand vaginas all over his body, presumably while yelling, "Yo dawg, I heard you like pussy! The priests that speak to Young beach nudists directly are permanently drunk on grain alcohol, which seems to be a religious requirement.

The overflow of his torrent Tumblr women dominating men semen created the first plants. But there's "ornithological sexual assault" weird, and then there's Indra was considered the king of the Hindu gods.

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Then do it! The legend goes that the queen Femshep garrus fanfiction lemon the gods, Hera, was jealous of Aphrodite's superior beauty, so she cursed Aphrodite's son to be born hideous, and with a comically oversized schlong. According to the legend, all women's vaginas used to detach from their bodies at night and wander around the village looking for food.

The vagina scurried back to its owner, who woke up in agony over her seared unmentionables and Free fem dom chat advised all the other local women not to let their vaginas wander around at night.

She also has an ebook, Rending The Seal, available through Smashwords. Greeks have celebrated their Feast of Hestia ever since by decorating donkeys. Airhead ragin river tube what is it about Maximon that makes him distasteful to the Church but endearing to the people? One technique was to cut a hole in the wall of their house and then thrust his serpentine dick in, where it would snake its way through the house until it located a vagina and then did its thing.

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